Eshin Direct

Affirmation Revisited

Ten years ago, Savage Garden released the song Affirmation and the statements it contained resonated strongly with me. I listened to it recently while I was training and released that maybe ten years further on in my life, it might be fun to revisit those lyrics and see if they still held their relevance and meaning for me.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

This I still believe. In most cases I will need to have the nastiness sorted out by the time I sleep. That’s not to say I can’t sleep on an argument, but it’s a real pain to getting on with life if it does happen that way.

I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands

This I no longer believe. Our happiness is firmly within our own hands. We need to be comfortable with ourselves and build our own internal happiness before we can add the happiness that others bring to our lives to that foundation. If other people control our happiness, then ultimately you have no control over your life.

I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you

Not really sure what I believe on this. Actually, it’s probably a little true since the fast food chains spend millions to work out the correct taste that can be franchised to appeal to our taste buds. Having said that, there are some theories that suggest that if you limit your diet to specific foods, your appetite begins to “expect less” and not crave some types of food.

I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

Yup, still believe this, at least in my case. Although I don’t believe this should apply to everyone.

I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem

I used to believe this but I’m not sure about this now. So many choices of magazines out there, appealing to so many styles, there is bound to be a magazine or style that appeals to someone to make them feel “in”. Esteem comes from within, but then if you believed that happiness comes from without, then this statement might be a little more true.

I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone

Well, you have to love yourself to be true to yourself. So I suppose this still applies.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

Of course, this is what Karma is all about. Sort of the definition of karma really.

I believe you can’t appreciate real love ’til you’ve been burned

Most definitely.

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

A nice hippy attitude to life that oddly enough maintains the status quo. In some cases, it is actually greener and you need to progress. In other cases, you make it to the other side and the grass is greener until it gets to the state that you were in before. The question then becomes a matter of whether you want to make the effort to get to the other side, with that knowledge.

I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye

Hmm. Tough one. Nope, no longer believe that. I think if you’ve lost enough, then you can learn and appreciate things before you actually lose them.

I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality

I don’t think you can control your sexuality. You can choose to override your sexuality and like either men or women. If we can override our natural instincts to jump into flaming buildings to save someone else, we can choose something as simple as sexuality.

I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

Yes, trust is. But really, what exactly is this statement saying? As long as you have trust you can be polygamous?

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

Awww, that’s sweet.

I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

Yes, but without money or gold or financial security, you won’t be able to provide for your family.

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

Why is the struggle for financial freedom unfair? Life is sort of unfair in any case, but is the struggle unfair or financial freedom unfair? Actually, its pretty simple. I think most of us set ourselves up for failure in the struggle for financial freedom by applying for our first credit card.

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I sort of disagree with the above statement but I’m sort of not a millionaire.

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness

Not really. Forgiveness is nice. Being at peace with yourself is the key to your own happiness. Again, this statement is looking for the external factor to provide that happiness.

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

But of course, newly wedded couples are notorious for not actually consummating the marriage by actually undressing.

I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists

I don’t think God endorses any religion to be honest.

I believe in love surviving death into eternity

It’s a romantic notion.

It’s strange what we believe when we are younger and what age and experience teaches us. I wonder what I will believe in ten years when I read this post again?

Debunking the Da Vinci Code

It always amuses me to see these programmes that profess to reveal the truth behind the Da Vinci code. More often than not, they debunk the Da Vinci Code theory with as much fanfare and congratulatory backslapping that one would expect from just having defeated a dragon. It would seem a Herculean task as any akin to proving that Star Wars has no place in our origins¹ or that Lord of the Rings was in fact a work of fiction. Okay, so the claim at the beginning of the book might be questionable but let’s face it, that’s the only claim they make to be true.

What I find amazing is that the hardcore Christians out there are trying very hard to destroy the Da Vinci code as if it was reality. One wonders at how much wealth the Vatican has to draw upon to fund TV shows painting the book in a questionable light, flood the market with enough Templar books to debase the currency of the thought, or even fund a second-rate performance by Tom Hanks in a blockbuster epic that fell flat on its face².

So let me get this straight. The idea of a Jewish man at the time being married and having children is preposterous while virgin births and walking on water are taken as common sense?

Magical fancies aside from the Church, I think that the book has been powerful to open people’s mind to a truth different from St. Augustine’s universal faith. May the struggle continue towards understanding.

1. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… [↩]
2. Oh be still my conspiratorial heart. [↩]

At One with Death

In close family, I have only faced death once with my sister passing away. In the last week, life has relinquished itself to death three times in my vicinity. The first was the passing of someone I knew through my girlfriend, the second was my grandfather and the third was the father-in-law of my uncle.

Continue reading ‘At One with Death’

Power Over You

“Making a thousand friends a year, is not a miracle. The miracle is to have a friend who stands by you for a thousand reasons.” (Sent to me by Eve, who I deeply treaure)

It’s late in the morning and I’m sitting pondering life’s more substantial issues. It’s the time that makes or breaks a day or an evening. The period from 3 to 4 sees you either crash and burn or continue to find reservoirs of energy to last till dawn and beyond. For example, you either stagger home drunk, stinking of a kebab or hot dog, or, in HK, you find Drop or karaoke. Alternatively, if you’ve done an alnighter, you either succumb to the calls of your bed or you bravely switch on the kettle with a “sleep is my enemy” gung-ho approach.

And what, pray tell, have I been pondering at such a late hour? Well, this New Year’s resolution, both Chinese and Western, was to find again that strength within me before I came to Hong Kong.

A strength that was slowly lost as I realized my actual role within the company that hired me.

A strength that was lost when I knew my parents were in NY during 911 and there was not much that I could do for them.

A strength that was lost as close friends started to drift.

A strength that was lost as I became the untermensche in an alien environment when for so long I had been the top dog in familiar surroundings.

A strength that was lost when I learned that my arrogant and moralistic ideals could often do more harm than good.

A strength that was lost when I prayed to my God and He answered, and when I pushed further, He no longer indulged my petty beseechings.

A strength that was lost when Louisa showed me that love existed again and that it was not destined for me.

A strength that was lost when my ended relationship with Eve, the woman who I should have loved and treasured, showed me how truly shallow I had become.

A strength that was lost when my job was taken from me.

A strength that was lost when my parents moved from my family home in London and returned to their home in the Netherlands, leaving me with no real roots anywhere.

All that was secure was slowly eroded away till what was left was the shadow of the man that first stepped aboard that CX flight to Hong Kong. It was often times a man who I despised within myself yet had become all too familiar. My hurt fueled my actions, my thoughts, my desperations, my insecurities. It threatened to kill me emotionally, and damned well near succeeded physically.

But CNY brought a change in me. Louisa hated me and no longer wanted contact with me. She severed that contact on CNY eve and I desperately wrote a letter to her to save the situation. I went to Tuen Mun to deliver that letter, pathetic as it may sound, and I knew that it was the actions of someone who had let themselves fall into weakness. I never delivered that letter. I managed to reach out to people for that helping hand to make me regain my strength.

Ora, who I spar verbally with at any opportunity and who speaks her mind no matter how painful, was the first person I reached out to. She set my mind out on the right path to seeking what I truly wanted to accomplish. At the time, I did not know but the words and the thoughts were planted there.

Amy, who I asked for directions to get to the destination in Tuen Mun, was the second person. She showed me that the power is within you to be stronger. Despite knowing my fool’s mission, she helped me anyway and trusted that I would have the strength to do the right thing. She reminded me that truly you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink. At the end of the day, the decision would rest with me, and she would be as supportive as she could be in her capacity as a friend. Lessons were learned not only on that day but in talks before with her.

James, who reminds me of my mother (and it’s not just his pretty looks), was the third person. He advised me to wait with delivering that letter and even if I felt like delivering that letter a week later, I still could do so. But he didn’t think it was the right thing to do. From him, I’ve learned that the strength I now have is as much about discipline over yourself as it about learning about that strength.

But as I write this, I know that while it was on that day that these three helped me to stabilize my life, that others too have helped over the course of the dark places that I have been.

Eyal, who has always had a cold objective look at the world and smiles back at it, helped me at some the darker moments of it all.

Hilary, who has put up with a lot from me, demonstrated to me the suffrage of friendship. She has put with so much of my crap while dealing with her own at the same time.

Greg, who has taken so much from me over the years and whose friendship I have put through some of the toughest tests, has always stood by me. He’s demonstrated that even friends do err and can make things right.

Sharon, whose own troubled experiences, has forced me to reflect on issues that I would rather not deal with.

While I’m not going to list all my friends here who have all contributed what they can in their own way, there are many out there who know what they have done and how they have affected my life.

And so before the computer sits a changed man. A man who has learned that the strength in your life is yours and yours alone. I have realized that the only power that people have over you is the power that you let them have. My strength faded because I let it fade and while circumstances continue to develop to try and test you, at the end of the day, it is you who must live with that and wake up each morning either loving yourself or hating yourself.

I have learned that if someone hurts you through love, then it is only because you have given them such power to do so. Louisa, your name will be spoken now, as if it were common place. No longer will you be referred to as Her or the one that got away. You had that power to make me feel pain and loss but I realized I, myself, gave you those tools.

I have learned that things only have power over you because people give them that power. My home in London will always be cherished but it will no longer be looked at with regret and loss. Childhood memories I will always keep but material possessions are always replaceable.

No more shall I let people use me and take advantage of me. They have done so in the past because I have let them do that. I can blame them for failing me, but in reality, I have failed to recognize my own faults and rectify them. Faithfulness and loyalty are admirable traits, but maybe it was I who failed to excel, choosing to survive instead.

I am far from strong now but I am on the path to rediscovering that which made me strong before. No longer will I let those things and people that induce negativity within me be the master of my emotions. Although they may have been the stimulus, I created those emotions within me. No one or thing else.

Will it be a path to being uncaring and cold? No, it is the path to discipline. If the premise for my new found strength is that you only let do unto you what you let do unto you then it is a two way door. It is a discipline to block out the negativity while letting in those people that will give you that positivity. Opening the door to the power of positivity that people give you is about opening up to people. Can they hurt you? Yes, it is always a risk and even an eventuality. But they can offer you so much more if you let them. Discipline of the mind, emotion, and body can work to strengthen you.

So to ALL my friends and family, past, present, and future, I would like to thank you. And please be patient while I grow into the man that you deserve to call friend and family.