Eshin Direct

A pretty dilemma presented itself today when I got back to my bike. A guy was on his bike having a heated argument with his girlfriend (or wife) who was standing off to the side. They both seemed quite riled up with each other so I hung about for a bit to see if it escalated. A noble but in retrospect stupid idea, as I wasn’t really sure whether I wanted to get involved.

As it did. The guy stopped his engine, nearly dropping his bike as he stormed towards the woman. He started grappling with the woman’s helmet while she was shrieking at him in tears. What had me a little nervous was that he wanted to take the helmet off because he wanted to take a swing at her. He eventually got it off but all he ended up doing was gripping her wrists while she raised shrieking hell at him. This continued for a few minutes.

I started my engine in any case and put my helmet on. Would I step in at some point? If I did, I wanted my helmet on. It didn’t provide body protection but I was hoping that in the heat of an argument, an inexperienced and hot-headed aggressor would go for the head rather than body shots. I also took the liberty of checking my utility knife but put it away as it very literally would have been overkill and it could always be used against you.

I kept checking the couple as they were arguing. The woman kept looking at me to intervene.

I really, really didn’t want to get involved truth be told. I wasn’t that brave to stick my kneck out like that. So I didn’t. I felt a little cowardly for not jumping to her defence and I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my body, prepping me for an evitable fight or flee response. By not jumping in, it was the right choice I realise with hindset¹.

Why was it the right decision? Well, the guy was obviously agitated. I believe on some primal level that men do know it is wrong to do violence against women. Myself stepping in would have provided him with a legitimate target to vent his anger on. A man in argument with his spouse invariably does not like the intervention of another man on what he views as his territory. Of course, then all hell would have broken loose and I would have tried to hurt him back. Lover’s tiffs can go either way – the woman could decide to loose it with the guy or with me equally.

He did look back a few times to see what I was doing. He even asked, “Can I help you?”. I just looked at him neutrally². I just sat on my bike and waited.

I hung around longer than I would have on my bike while it idled. I checked whether VivoCity had a website with a telephone number for security. Of course, wanting to provide the most rich and rewarding experience to shoppers, it didn’t have a normal HTML site for browsing on my iPhone. Not even the contact us page had a useful non-flash version to get a telephone number. Thanks Vivo!

Anyway, after waiting about ten minutes, I checked again and the couple seemed to have calmed down. It had blown itself out with the woman free and the guy smoking a cigarette which I took as a good sign since smoking is a habit to calm nerves. The woman could, if she wanted to, have walked away from him. I decided to leave them to their own devices as they were near a very busy main entrance to VivoCity in any case.

Was I a coward to not have stormed in there and been noble by sticking my neck into someone else’s business? I admit, I do feel a certain shame by not having done anything and leaving the situation, essentially declaring it someone else’s problem. But I do think that my presence and proximity to the situation, and refusing to leave at the argument’s height and even in the face of his challenge to me, reminded the guy that there were consequences to every action. Violence was not a viable option for him.

And I’m reasonably sure that all three of us are now safely at home without incident. Perhaps not happily but at least safely.

You be the judge.

1. Of course, everything is better off with hindset as I try to post rationalise my own sense of manhood back with some dignity. [↩]
2. Also, affectionately known as the Singapore Stare. [↩]