Eshin Direct

In complete FOB (non-immigrant types, this stands for “fresh off the boat”) mode, I decided to walk into California Fitness. If I thought that Pure Fitness sales pitch was like pulling teeth, California Fitness was positively a multiple wisdom tooth extraction.

First came the usual signing of the guestbook. This sort of helps the gym to belief it has plenty of visitors to the gym that aren’t members. Then came the filling out of forms.

Eshin: “Why do I need to fill out so many forms just to get information about the gym and cost of membership?”

Steriod-Enhanced Receptionist: “So we can better identify your needs.”

Eshin: “Errr…right.”

I wouldn’t have minded so much if some dumb sales jock didn’t use the form not two minutes later to make a pitiful attempt at familiarity.

Eshin: “All I wanted was to find out the cost of membership and look at the facilities.”

Dumb Sales Jock: “Yes, sorry sir. But we use this information to tailor our services better for you.”

In the end, it didn’t have anything to do with the price of membership or anything. Sure, they might have tailored the personal trainer requirements or something for when you actually joined, but the whole process is geared to assuming you have already joined. This, in my opinion, is too presumptious.

The kicker was when I wanted to leave after I had got the information I wanted.

Eshin: “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

DSJ: “If you sign up today, I can reduce HK1000 off the joining fee.”

Eshin thinks he can jolly well drop the whole dumb-ass joining fee in the first place.

Eshin: “I told you, I just want information.”

DSJ: “If you sign up today, then I can ask my boss for special discount for you.”

Eshin thinks that “asking the boss” involves DSJ going to the toilet for five minutes for some serious deliberation before coming back to announce that I’m a special customer and deserve a further discount.

Eshin: “Right, well, I have to think about it. I just really want some information about your place. I have that now. Thanks.”

DSJ: “But can I ask, what is preventing you joining today. Here and now?”

Eshin: “I told you that already. I just wanted some information.”

DSJ: “How long will it take you to decide?”

Eshin: (None of your business, mate) “How about a month?” (Just to play for time before he starts calling me to join).

DSJ: “Oh…but today, if you join, I can give you discount…”

Eshin: “Grrrr…”

DSJ: “Okay, well. when you decide, here is my card and give me a call. I can then ask for a special discount from my manager for you.”

These people are so pushy. One wonders if business is so bad and cut-throat for these people that they need to almost bully you into joining once you step into their lair. Of course, most things that you can do in a gym can be done outside of the gym using improvised equipment. Well, for the 90% of us who just want to stay in shape.

Tags: Marketing Rants