Eshin Direct

Piss. The net is tightening even further. My mate over at Brimworld seems to be attending more and more wedding of friends it seems. My nephew, who happens to be three days younger than me, is also planning to tie the knot sometime next year.

I never really attended many weddings in my life. Most people seemed to either be married, divorced or in perpetual relationships. In my mind, these wedding malarkeys are best left to the old folk. It’s probably because the only weddings I have ever attended were for my older brother and sister (I missed my uncle’s, much to his dismay). Thankfully, I only know of one couple who are directly related to me as friends, that are engaged.

I wish I can continue thinking that people are increasingly getting married at younger ages but I have resign myself to the fact that my friends and I are getting older. Like death, it’s an inevitabilty. Well, for most of us…

Distressing for me were that two standards of marital bliss or a desire to commit were pretty much negated recently. In one case, I had hoped to emulate the mindset of the desire to commit to someone for the rest of your life. It turns out they are no longer engaged. In the other case, it was the most idyllic marriage I could think of; yet it eventually didn’t work out.

I guess I hold marriage to such a high standard. Apart from being stuck with the person for the rest of your life, which is a mindset that is indicative that I’m not ready to marry, it is also one of the highest commitments that you will ever make. Depending too on your religion, it is also a commitment that you make before friends, family and God. I’d say it’s pretty binding.

The problem that I feel is that too many focus on the marriage. The immediate future. The romance of getting married. The happiness. Call me skeptical but I find I’m increasingly looking at women with an eye to whether I could put up with them for the rest of my natural lifespan. It ain’t romantic, it ain’t glorified, but that’s sure as hell the person I want to be with for a span of fifty or so years, God willing. And if love, fun and happiness are thrown into the mix, then that’s just an added bonus.

For me, marriage should be a lifetime commitment. Like a tattoo. You see so many people running around and getting tattoos for the immediate here and now satisfaction. It took me ten long years to actually think about what I wanted stained on my body for all eternity. But many people never really stop to think about the implications of the tattoo. You see many tribal tattooes out there because the person thinks it looks cool. So, errr, which tribe would you be from then? But the thinking about the afterwards, the ten years, the twenty years, the fifty years down the road living with the tattoo doesn’t enter into the minds of some people.

In some ways, a marriage is less binding than a tattoo. A tattoo can’t be removed and processes to do so are both painful and scarring. In theory, you can get divorced and be none the worse for wear at the end of the separation process. Of course, the reality is much different and why I feel marriage is as strong a commitment, if not more, than a tattoo. The pain and scarring is always emotional during the separation and sometimes even physical. The spiritual damage as you renounce one of your highest commitments before God can be disturbing. And if there are kids involved, then it can be all the more disturbing.

So as the net draws tighter, I’d offer my advice to any of my friends thinking it would be nice to enter into a marriage. Think about it. It’s a commitment to a life relationship with the other person. Key words – commitment and relationship. Y’all know what these words mean so why should they mean anything different for a marriage? They aren’t a promise of perpetual binding happiness; there will be times when there is a strain on your decision to commit or to even have a relationship. We’ve all had times when we’d wish we’d never made that commitment or entered into a relationship. Again, why would this be any different for a marriage?

It should be obvious that a marriage is made up of these two aspects and that they will need to be worked on. But if it was so obvious, why then are divorce rates climbing pretty much all over the place?

Tags: Random Thoughts