Eshin Direct

It’s sort of funny but not really. I was looking into my wallet and wanting to clear some stuff from it and I came across a note from her to me. It wasn’t anything special, just a shopping list of LV stuff she wanted me to buy. I wasn’t expecting to find it in my wallet although I knew I had it in there. But it sort of caught me off-guard and I froze, not really knowing what to do. For some reason, don’t ask why, I brought it to my nose and tried to see if a faint whiff of her scent was still there. No luck…then I traced the lines of her handwriting as if to see if doing so would bring me closer to her. No such luck.

Is this what loss is about? Going about each day with the veil of the mundane, knowing that what you once had can be no more? Everyday you think of her, yet each day you still manage to survive, sometimes even be happy? It’s better these days, since I can hold my feelings in check long enough to surpress the emotions I feel within for her. But occassionally I’m caught off-guard and even though my brain is telling my me to stop, I can’t help but let in the tidal wave.

I have to move on, and I am moving on. But sometimes it’s just so painful.