Eshin Direct

Eshin: Wai Wai

Insurance Salesperson: Hello Mr. Van.

Eshin: Hello.

Insurance Salesperson: I’m calling from AIA. We noticed you spend 40 hours a week gaming online. 40 hours a week is a long time, isn’t it Mr. Van?

Eshin: Yes it is.

Insurance Salesperson: It’s almost like a part-time job, isn’t it Mr. Van?

Eshin: It doesn’t pay the rent, but I guess so.

Insurance Salesperson: Well, how would you feel if all your hard work from a part-time job was taken from you over night?

Eshin: I’d feel pretty crappy. What’s your point?

Insurance Salesperson: Well, you’ve invested 40 hours a week and from what I see approximately $350 a month over the last two years into your online gaming time. It’s an investment that you try your hardest to protect. Am I right, Mr. Van?

Eshin: Hell yeah. Just the other night, those damned goblins were trying to chop me into little peices…

Insurance Salesperson: Exactly my point, Mr. Van. It’s a dangerous world out there. But goblins are only as smart as the system they belong to. They aren’t out there to cheat you of your hard-earned time and cash investment. But Mr. Van, what if someone stole your online acount? How would you feel Mr. Van?

Eshin: Damn. I’d feel really shitty.

Insurance Salesperson: Well, have you considered ways to protect your online assets?

Eshin: Errr…no…but…

Insurance Salesperson: Let me just sidetrack for a little bit first, Mr. Van. Do you know how many people were subject to online asset theft in the last month? 40% of online gamers. And the month before that 32%. The situation isn’t getting prettier this month.

Eshin: Really? Wow…what can I do (blinking naively over the phone).

Insurance Salesperson: Well, my company offers a range of asset protection services. For example, if you’re worried about not being able to join a guild or a party of adventurers in an RPG, then we have a defamation package. You pay us a monthly fee of $200 and we protect your online person from defamation. We have some pretty advanced software that can track when someone besmirches you’re good name online. For an optional extra, we can sue them for you.

Eshin: Wow…that’s sound great. I’ll never be lonely again because no-one wants to play with me. People will see that I’m popular now and not listen to all those malicious rumours about me and Madame Cinq! Sign me up!

Insurance Salesperson: Sure thing, Mr. Van. We also have the virtual personal life insurance package. For a monthly premium of only $150, if you sustain any damage that kills you, your spouse should you have one, or your online buddies, depending on who you specify, will receive a windfall of $300,000 and when you get reincarnated, we provide you with 60% of your equipment at the point that you died.

Eshin: Great…I get killed all the time. My friends are starting to get pissed at me. It would be great to give them something back when I die.

Insurance Salesperson: We’ve noticed that you play the wizard character quite often online in several different worlds. We’d like to introduce to you the Spell Failure Protector. Essentially for a fee of $200 a month, we can insure you and your travelling party for the effects of spell failure. You’ll be reincarnated with 80% of your items, online assets and experience. Also, if someone sues you for damages for your incompetence, we’ll counter sue them.

Eshin: No way? I am quite incompetent at casting spells. My friends look at me funny whenever I start to cast online.

Insurance Salesperson: Okay, Mr. Van. I’ll sign you up for the all three services for $700 a month total. How does that sound?

Eshin: Well, I….

Insurance Saleperson: Mr. Van, we’re committed to protecting your commitment to your online persona. $700 is not much considering the time and money you put in.

Eshin: But $700…

Insurance Salesperson: Okay Mr. Van. Let me put it this way. Over the last two years you’ve spent a total of 4160 hours online in three different virtual worlds. Given that your income is above average, averaging at a rate of 20 bucks an hour, you’ll have spent an equivalent amount of $780,000 in two years on building who you are online. $700 is not much…

Eshin: I hadn’t thought of it like that….

Insurance Salesperson: Okay. Mr. Van. How about I throw in an extra package for you? We have an online anti-hack package. Essentially, if you get hacked you’re insured for upto 40% of the amount.

Eshin: Hell, maybe…